starstuff

Enlightened Self-Interest

Clownissa Explains it All

Words to be read when I am dead [still not a suicide note]
starstuff
quakehead
Words to be read when I am dead. [not a suicide note]

January 1st, 2006

I'm actually starting this entry on 10/10/2006.

So... I'm dead.

No problem.

Not that it is needed, but I give permission for you all to move on with your lives, to forget. I encourage it. That is what I want. Throw out or sell my things. Or keep what you want. Just do whatever makes you happy.

I am gone. That doesn't hurt me. I *am* not.
Hell? Don't believe in it. Maybe now is a good time to re-evaluate your own beliefs, if they trouble you.

I don't know how I died, of course. If it was painful or humiliating or otherwise sad, don't worry. It's over. That was just a moment. Remember me happy. I had some good times.

No one should bother blaming his/her-self, either. Our control is limited. What you did, is what you *could* do. People act in self-interest. That's just how it works. We gamble all the time that other people will be okay. We have to, and sometimes we lose.

There is nothing you can do for me now.

One final note: I would rather have died than lived in fear.

[I will probably add to this as I think of more things]

EDIT 9/6/09: I do not want a sad funeral, or proselytizing. I would prefer something like a celebration (maybe kaufmanesque). But the funeral is not for my sake. Do what you must.

EDIT 12/6/2015: In light of a recent loss, I am bumping this to remind me to update it. No one is watching this at this point anyhow.

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
Just passing through. I'm not dead yet...

A head cold has (once again), made me nostalgic, and not in the normal melancholy way, but in a purely happy one.

Despite all the news, which makes me (want to) abandon all hope for days at a time, I feel pretty good right now.

I'm pretty isolated now. Probably why I'm on here, besides a touch of the old sehnsucht. And procrastination. Like old times. I'm okay with it, though. The old fantasy of moving to a remote region of Alaska is starting to return... Chalk it up to avoidant personality disorder. Or perfectionism. Or just having a constant stream of entertainment at my disposal and being okay with getting by on that.

And this is another redundant entry, which is the main reason I stopped posting, wasn't it?

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
Fridays are good days. How do I make every day a Friday?

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
Got a lovely case of the spring fever. Right now writing a Quake 1 fanfic seems like a brilliant idea. I'm serious.

And I seriously need to find a way to migrate south each year. I can't handle any more of the cold, the dry air, and the shorter, dimmer days.

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
Mostly now when I think of updating my LJ I just want to link back to some old entry with the descriptor "THIS"

[ETA] Or else I lose interest in the post that I've composed in my head by the time I get back to the computer.

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
WHERE/HOW DO YOU ALL FIND THE TIME

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
I buried my cat, Apollo, today.
Read more...Collapse )

(no subject)
starstuff
quakehead
Notes on star trek:

the music was uninspiring, unremarkable...

the fact that it was an "alternate reality" made it difficult for me to be moved by the drama... i felt that none of it was "really" happening.

vulcans are silly as ever. their dialogue was painfully dorky, pedantic, and just plain stupid ("inefficient"). no need to say "affirmative" when a "yes" will do.

the in-jokes and referential dialogue got at most a smirk or a chuckle out of me

Would have been nice had I known about runpee.com in advance.

IP logging is off....
starstuff
quakehead
for a little while.

I realize not many still read this journal, but industrial music and caffeine have inspired me.

Post anonymously (see subject) -- Ask me a question, tell me a truth, or do as thou wilt.

I am ignorant. Deal with it. Or not u know whatever.
starstuff
quakehead
I popped half a caffeine tablet because I can't muster any motivation on Saturday's AND I NEED IT. So now my vision is warped and I'm hyper light sensitive and my neck is extra crunchy. Okay so now we know that the tannins in coffee are probably irrelevant.

Actually Saturday makes more sense as a day of rest when you have weekends off.

Housecats are like little lions and if one was miraculously supersized it would playfully kill you then eat you and feel no remorse (until it was time to eat again and the food bowl was empty). But cats are cute because weak correlates to cute. PROVE ME WRONG.

I need like a line-item per-line security level for my posts. Nevermind. I bought some dermablend. Good beard shadow concealer, what? Going to try to take some new pics if I ever make the time (instead of devouring whole comedy series on hulu).

P.S. It's spring.

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